Twins Baseball is Off the Air

06-02-09 Twins 4, Cleveland 3

2009-06-02T20:05:00.000-07:00

J'mauer.

Another good performance from Kevin Slowey, which brings his season ERA below 4. I think he's our ace. He's awkward yet effective (like Rik Smits). But he changes speeds and eye-levels and now he's had five consecutive quality starts.

J'mauer.

Joe Nathan gets the workman save.

J'mauer.

Today was a nice day for the Twins. Every team in the division loses except the Twins. I like it.

Question: Can Joe Mauer make it to the All-Star Break hitting .400? The fact that it's a legitimate question is amazing enough.

Game Heroes
Joe Mauer, MIN, 3-for-3, HR, R, 3 RBI, BB
Kevin Slowey, MIN, W, 6.2 IP, 6 H, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K
Joe Nathan, MIN, 1.1 IP, S, H, K
Denard Span, MIN, 2-for-3, 2 R, RBI, SB
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-4, 2B

Game Goats
-none-

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	28-22
Minnesota	26-27
Chicago	25-26
Kansas City	23-28
Cleveland	22-32

5-31-09 Twins 3, Tampa 2

2009-05-31T15:10:00.001-07:00

Here's what the Twins do. They go on a road trip, and it's like heading toward a dense, gravitational field of suck. They lose the first games of a road trip, but, see, they're really wily, because they slingshot around the gravitational field of suck in their last game on the road, accelerating into the next homestand at a tremendous speed (trav'lin' at the speed of light, that's why we call them Mrs. Fahrenheit).

It's brilliant, really.

And, it's enough to convince some people that the Twins are only a trade away.

Granted, a 20-game stretch of .700 baseball would, indeed, put us comfortably ahead in the division. But what have we seen to suggest that this team can do that thing? Unless those 20-games are at home, of course. But the schedulers tend to shy away from month-long homestands.

C'est baseball. C'est .500 baseball. C'est les Twins.

btw, Joe Madden makes bizarre decisions. Twice in today's game, he pinch-hit for a player that had already had two hits. 'Sup with that? I know he's the most emo manager in baseball, but even Rivers Cuomo knows to go with the hot hand.

Game Heroes
Joe Nathan, MIN, 1 IP, S, 2 K
Jose Mijares, MIN, 1 IP, HLD, H, K
Matt Joyce, TAM, 2-for-3, HR, R, RBI

Game Goats
Alexi Casilla, MIN, o-for-5, 5 LOB
Evan Longoria, TAM, 0-for-3, 4 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	28-21
Chicago	24-25
Minnesota	25-27
Kansas City	23-27
Cleveland	22-30

5-30-09 Tampa 5, Twins 2

2009-05-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

The Twins just don't seem to have any "Fuck You" when they're on the road.

Liriano didn't pitch poorly, but gave up three infield hits en route to a four-run inning. But after that, after something went wrong, it never seemed that the Twins could muster much.

They mustered a bit in the 9th inning, but, like yesterday, I think that's a function of Tampa's bad bullpen (and it's pretty bad). The Twins' musterings, on the road, are pitiful pairs of singles. At home, the Twins get angry and hit line drives with their big-boy pants on. On the road, the Twins are polite Washington Generals; at home, ornery cusses.

In related news, R.A. Dickey is excelling as the team's mop-up man. Good gig if you can get it.

Bliggity-blog bonus: I heard a great song today, and for all y'all on iTunes (or some form of legal song downloading) you should give it a listen--

Jonathan Coulton, "Kenesaw Mountain Landis" from the album "Smoking Monkey."

The song's opening line: "Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad motherfucker."

Game Heroes
David Price, TAM, 5.2 IP, W, 5 H, ER, 2 BB, 11 K
Carl Crawford, TAM, 3-for-4, HR, R, 2 RBI, K
Joe Dillon, TAM, 2-for-4, HR, R, RBI, K

Game Goats
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 0-for-4, 3 K, 4 LOB
Delmon Young, MIN, 0-for-4, 3 K, 3 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	27-21
Chicago	23-25
Minnesota	24-27
Kansas City	23-26
Cleveland	21-30

5-29-09 Tampa 5, Twins 3

2009-05-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

The Twins are now bored with baseball, to the point that they are inventing ways to lose. Tonight's new, improved way to lose started off conventionally: Scott Baker suddenly sucks in the middle innings. But what the Twins did after falling behind 4-1 was new: pull to within one after the Rays' All-Deity thirdbaseman throws one away. Then, in the ensuing half-inning, watch the umpires give the Rays extra outs: one on a questionable strike/not strike call, another on a blown pick-off call at first. (That blown pick-off call came around to score.)

The Twins made noise in the ninth. Joe Mauer came to the plate, a homerun away from the cycle, with a runner on first. A new pitcher came in, Choate. Mighty Joe struck out, and, as Heidi said, Joe Chokes on Choate is this game's headline.

Game Heroes
Evan Longoria, TAM, 3-for-4, HR, R, 3 RBI, E
Carl Crawford, TAM, 2-for-4, HR, 3 R, RBI
Joe Mauer, MIN, 3-for-5, 2B, 3B, R

Game Goats
Jason Kubel, MIN, 0-for-4, 4 LOB
Carlos Gomez, MIN, 0-for-3, 3 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	26-21
Minnesota	24-26
Kansas City	23-25
Chicago	22-25
Cleveland	21-29

5-28-09 Boston 3, Twins 1

2009-05-29T18:09:00.001-07:00

Devils Tower is not really called Devils Tower, but rather Bears Lodge. And we've driven an awful lot of miles in the past two days.

Game Heroes
Jason Varitek, BOS, 2-for-3, 2 HR, 2 R, 2 RBI, K
Josh Beckett, BOS, W, 7 IP, 3 H, ER, 4 BB, 8 K, HR
Anthony Swarzek, MIN, L, 6 IP, 5 H, 3 ER, 4 BB, 3 K

Game Goats
Mike Lowell, BOS, 0-for-4, 4 LOB
Jason Kubel, MIN, 0-for-4, 2 K, 2 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	26-20
Minnesota	24-25
Kansas City	23-24
Chicago	21-25
Cleveland	21-28

5-27-09 Twins 4, Boston 2

2009-05-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

A long drive through nothing, at times pretty, most times we'd come to a high point and see the next twenty miles ribbon through the brush. Wyoming, via our route, is awful, interminable boringness. Lamont, WY is smaller than Durable, SD--two houses, four rusted-out trucks, and Grandma's Cafe.

We left Moab at 9:30 and arrived in Casper at 6:00 p.m. Today, it's off to Devils Tower.

Game Heroes
Denard Span, MIN, 4-for-4, 2 R, BB
Jason Kubel, MIN, 2-for-3, 2B, R, RBI, 2 BB
Joe Nathan, MIN, 1 IP, S, K
Jose Mijares, MIN, 1.1 IP, BB, HLD

Game Goats
Daisuke Matsuzaka, BOS, L, 5 IP, 9 H, 3 ER, 3 BB, 6 K (nibble nibble nibble nibble)

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	26-19
Minnesota	24-24
Kansas City	23-24
Chicago	21-25
Cleveland	20-28

5-26-09 Twins 5, Boston 2

2009-05-27T18:25:00.001-07:00

Heidi looking at North Window, Arches National Park, Moab, Utah.

Put it on your list.

Game Heroes
Nick Punto, MIN, 2-for-3, 2B, R, RBI
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, R, 3 RBI, BB
Dustin Pedroia, BOS, 2-for-4, 2B, RBI, K
Nick Blackburn, MIN, W, 7 IP, 8 H, 2 R, ER, 2 BB, 7 K (career-high strikeouts)
Matt Guerrier, MIN, 1 IP, 2 K, HLD

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	25-19
Kansas City	23-23
Minnesota	23-24
Chicago	21-24
Cleveland	19-28

5-25-09 Boston 6, Twins 5

2009-05-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

The sky opened after we left the San Rafael Swell, the torrents battering the Kaiparowits Plateau, hail and wind dropped like ballast before the clouds climbed the Southern Wasatch Mountains.

Traffic slowed. The drive into Moab, Utah, as is our m.o. for this trip, was much longer than expected, and far more ass-pucker worthy. Switchbacks down into the Courthouse Wash were slick, and this flatlander stared down the road. We got to our hotel, got our room on the third floor, then two interesting things happened:

1) The hallway filled with sweet marijuana smoke, and

2) A lightning bolt struck all power from Moab, Utah.

We were without power for two hours, and as we unpacked our car, I walked through the hallway trying to loudly subtly announce my presence. "Fifty bucks," I said, "if you're listening. Just a j: fifty bucks." Supply and demand drove the price up, but, unfortunately, not high enough.

Nothing happened. We ate sandwiches from our cooler and waited for the power to come back.

Game Heroes
Mike Lowell, BOS, 4-for-5, RBI
Kevin Youkilis, BOS, 2-for-5, 2 2B, R, 2 RBI
Ramon Ramirez, BOS, 1.2 IP, K, HLD

Game Goats
Francisco Liriano, MIN, 4 IP, L, 11 H, 5 ER, 7 K
Brian Buscher, MIN, 0-for-4, K, 2 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	25-18
Kansas City	22-23
Minnesota	22-24
Chicago	20-24
Cleveland	18-28

5-24-09 Twins 6, Milwaukee 3

2009-05-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else thinking this team seems a lot like that '87 team? That team, and this one too, looks positively horrible away from the dome, and absolutely great (with Joe Mauer) in the dome (and the '87 team would've been better with Joe Mauer, too.)

Still in Salt Lake City tonight. Off to Moab tomorrow, where I think I'll be without internet. Not that you care. But I care. I care a lot. LOVE YOU!

Game Heroes
Joe Mauer, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, 2 R, RBI, HBP
Justin Morneau, MIN, 1-for-3, GS, R, 4 RBI, BB
Scott Baker, MIN, 8.1 IP, W, 7 H, 3 ER, 6 K, 2 HR
Joe Crede, MIN, 2-for-2, HR, R, RBI

Game Goats
Mitch Stetter, MIL, o IP, H, 2 ER, HR

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	24-18
Kansas City	22-22
Minnesota	22-23
Chicago	19-24
Cleveland	17-28

5-23-09 Twins 6, Milwaukee 2

2009-05-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

Joe Mauer is some kind of wonderful.

Game Heroes
Joe Mauer, MIN, 3-for-3, HR, 3 R, 2 RBI, BB
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-2, RBI
Joe Crede, MIN, 2-for-4, HR, R, 2 RBI
Anthony Swarzak, MIN, W, 7 IP, 5 H, 2 BB, 3 K
Prince Fielder, MIL, 2-for-3, RBI, BB, K

Game Goats
none

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	24-17
Kansas City	21-22
Minnesota	21-23
Chicago	19-23
Cleveland	17-27

5-22-09 Twins 11, Milwaukee 3

2009-05-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

Interleague play is dumb.

Game Heroes
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 4-for-5, 2B, 3B, HR (that's a cycle!), 2 R, 5 RBI
Justin Morneau, MIN, 3-for-5, 3B, 3 R, 2 RBI
Denard Span, MIN, 2-for-4, HR, 2 R, RBI, BB
Kevin Slowey, MIN, W, 7.1 IP, 8 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 4 K, HB

Game Goats
The scheduling people, for interleague play

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	24-16
Kansas City	21-21
Minnesota	20-23
Chicago	18-23
Cleveland	16-27

5-21-09 Twins 20, Chicago (AL) 1

2009-05-22T06:22:00.000-07:00

A word of advice to travelers: There are no rest areas on Idaho highways.

Leaving Yellowstone at 10, we got into Idaho around 11, and thought we'd have a picnic at a rest area. At 2:30, hungry and frustrated, we stopped at a town called Rexborg, which promised a Beaver Dick Park that we couldn't find.

But it begs the question, "Why would you name a park Beaver Dick?"

It's a hermaphroditic park?

There was a trapper, friend to Marmot Jack?

It's a beaver breeding ground?

Whichever it was, we couldn't find the park and finally had lunch in the parking lot of a Comfort Inn. I'm not a fan of Idaho's Not a Fan of Rest Areas approach to highway travel.

We came into Salt Lake City around seven. Downtown, near Temple Square, there are a lot of men with man purses. I don't know if that's a Mormon thing, or a SLC thing, or what. But almost every guy downtown had a man purse. For what that's worth.

We're staying with Heidi's friends Dave and Jenn, who have two boys: Paris 6 and Hunter 2. Last night, they taught me all there is to know about the new Transformers. There's a new transformer--The Fallen--that is more powerful and dangerous than any other Decepticon. Though I'm sure Shia LaBouf will kill it somehow.

Game Heroes
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 4-for-6, HR, 2B, 4 R, 3 RBI
Joe Mauer, MIN, 3-for-4, HR, 2 2B, 2 R, 6 RBI
Matt Tolbert, MIN, 3-for-6, HR, 2 R, 4 RBI, E
Nick Blackburn, MIN, 7 IP, W, 4 H, 3 BB, 2 K

Game Goats
Wilson Betemit, CHS, 0-for-4, LOB, 2 E

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	23-16
Kansas City	21-20
Minnesota	19-23
Chicago	17-23
Cleveland	16-26

5-20-09 Chicago (AL) 7, Twins 4

2009-05-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

our

We left Miles City earlier than expected, both of us walking up earlier than expected after going to bed earlier than expected. So we got to Billings, MT at 10:00 a.m. and stopped for coffee.

"You know," I said, "this guy from that Twins site suggested we take 212 into Yellowstone."

And that's where it all went wrong. We looked at our maps, and with only 100 miles to our final destination, we decided that, indeed, we could afford a small detour, a more scenic route, based upon the recommendation of some dude from the internet.

Flashback: In Miles City, we watched the Billings local news broadcast, just to get a bit of the local flair. Some story on the news was a closed pass, Beartooth Pass, on the Montana and Wyoming border.

Back to our story. 212, indeed, is a beautiful road. Suddenly, as if from nowhere, we came around a bend and saw tremendous mountains rising into the clouds. The valley we were in grew steadily narrower until we came upon a town called Red Lodge. This town seems like a lovely mountain town just before some celebrity moves in and makes it into a tourist trap. Wonderful downtown, houses built into the valley's hills, and a chilly breeze coming down from the mountains.

We went ahead. The road was breathtaking. A car commercial waiting to be filmed. And a small sign, which didn't entirely register with me, said, "Beartooth Pass closed."

Twenty miles into the mountain pass, another sign said, "Barricade Ahead 500 Feet."

Twenty miles and 500 feet into the mountain pass, the barricade shown above.

So we went back down. Stopped at a burger joint for directions. We had to drive all the way down to Cody, Wyoming, then come into Yellowstone from the southeast. The hotel we had reservations at was advertised as being less than 1000 yards from the north entrance to the park.

We got to Yellowstone to discover that the road connecting the south east and north east portions of the park was closed. So we drove completely around the park, through the geyser caldera, over Sylvan Pass by Avalanche Peak (which had a cannon stationed at its base), around the northern shore of Yellowstone Lake, past Hotel Yellowstone (an ugly yellow monstrosity), by meandering bison on the roadways, behind slow drivers, and forsaking the six cars parked to photograph a mama moose and her young (no thanks).

We got to our hotel at 7. Nearly 12 hours in the car. Today, we're off to Salt Lake City.

And, oh yeah, the Twins suck.

Game Heroes
Jermaine Dye, CHS, 1-for-4, GS, R, 4 RBI
Jim Thome, CHS, 1-for-2, R, 2 BB
Bobby Jenks, CHS, S, IP, H

Game Goats
Francisco Liriano, MIN, 4 IP, L, 7 H, 7 ER (all in one inning), 3 BB, K, 2 HR
Carlos Gomez, MIN, 0-for-3, 3 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	22-16
Kansas City	21-19
Minnesota	18-23
Chicago	17-22
Cleveland	15-26

5-19-09 Chicago (AL) 6, Twins 2

2009-05-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

Our first day's drive was the longest of the trip. We planned it that way, because a) it takes a long time to drive across the State of North Dakota and b) there's not a whole lot to stop and see in the State of North Dakota.

We did walk around the rim of the Painted Canyon in Teddy Roosevelt State Park. This included watching a buffalo eat grass in the parking lot.

On interstate 94, driving west into Montana, there's a feeble sign and a bump in the road. That's how you know you're in Montana. The first 30 miles of the state are unremarkable, but once you meet up with the Yellowstone River, the drive is fairly pretty. And further proof that Heidi and I live in the most visually unappealing valley in the world. (Prove me wrong. Please.)

Radio Highlights: we listened to a two-hour call-in discussion on The Mighty 790 about legalizing medical marijuana. Every caller supported legalizing it. Granted, 790 is the North Dakota liberal radio station. But, still, every caller?

Also, in Eastern Montana we caught three AM stations and one FM station (really static-heavy, though). One of the AM stations was from Hulett, WY, and it was a little old lady listing off the community events. "Tuesdy night, dere's a Carpenders Club Breakfast down to the city hall. Y'all can come if you want." She signed off her show by saying, "talk to y'all on Thursdy." Then the radio went quiet.

We stayed in Miles City (so named for its distance to things worthwhile), and we drive down to Yellowstone this morning.

Game Heroes
Jim Thome, CHS, 2B, R, 2 RBI, BB, K
Paul Konerko, CHS, 1-for-2, HR, R, 2 RBI, 2 BB
Mark Buerhle, CHS, W, 7 IP, 8 H, 2 R, ER, 3 K, HR

Game Goats
Scott "Some Ace" Baker, MIN, L, 5 IP, 5 H, 4 ER, 4 BB, 4 K, 2 HR
Brendan Harris, MIN, 0-for-4, 2 GIDP, 3 LOB

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	21-16
Kansas City	21-18
Minnesota	18-22
Chicago	16-22
Cleveland	14-26

5-18-09 New York (AL) 7, Twins 6

2009-05-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

I have nothing of any intelligible worth to add to what anyone now thinks about the Twins/Yankees series.

We're all packed and ready to go here. We got our first digital camera, so there'll be photographic updates, and, knowing me, I'll either take 500 pictures in a week and fall in love with it or take 5 pictures in a month and forget we have a camera. But I promised a slideshow to the couple we got the camera from.

What I really want to do is design a slideshow filled with horribly inappropriate and/or cheesy slideshow songs.

Quick top 5: Awful Slideshow Songs:
5. Don't Stop Believing, Journey
4. Time of Your Life, Green Day
3. The Graduation Song, Baz Luhrmann
2. Mozart's Requiem (the whole thing)
1. I Fucking Hate the Fucking Yankees, Evan Nelson

Game Heroes
Mark Teixeira, NYY, 2-for-4, HR, 2 R, 4 RBI
Justin Morneau, MIN, 4-for-5, 2 2B, RBI

Game Goats
Glen Perkins, MIN, .2 IP, L, 7 H, 6 ER, 2 HR, BALK
Jason Kubel, MIN, 0-for-4, BB, 2 K, 4 LOB
Joe Crede, MIN, 0-for-4, BB, K, 4 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	20-16
Kansas City	20-18
Minnesota	18-21
Chicago	15-22
Cleveland	14-25

5-17-09 New York (AL) 3, Twins 2 (10 innings)

2009-05-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

Madlib:
curse word ___________
another curse word ____________
adjective __________
curse word _________

OK.

___(curse word)____. ______(another curse word_____. Three straight walk-off wins for the ____(adjective)_____ Yankjobs. _____(curse word)_____.

Now, in his career, Ron Gardenhire is 3-24 at Yankee Stadium.

Game Heroes
Whatever fucking leprechauns bless the fucking Yankees, NYY, HR
Joe Mauer, MIN, 2-for-4, BB, K, An amazing play at home-plate
Kevin Slowey, MIN, 7.2 IP, 7 H, 2 ER, 8 K, HR
Johnny Damon, NYY, 3-for-4, HR, R, RBI, K

Game Goats
Whatever Bronx banshee that curses Ron Gardenhire, NYY

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	20-16
Kansas City	19-18
Minnesota	18-20
Chicago	15-21
Cleveland	14-24

5-16-09 New York (AL) 6, Twins 4 (11 innings)

2009-05-16T13:48:00.000-07:00

Have a rusty screwdriver inserted into my pupil. Slather my naked body in honey and lay between a grizzly bear and her cub. Watch the Yankjobs win back-to-back games in walk-off fashion.

Positives? Should we do positives?

I positively hate the Yankjobs.

I don't even like their new ballpark. A channel to the power alley in left leads to a ridiculous amount of homeruns, and the shaggy infield grass slows down too many rollers. I know the stadium needs to work out some kinks. The biggest kink to work out, of course, is the current infestation of Yankjob players.

I wouldn't mind that team if it weren't made up of moneygrubbing minges. Quick quiz: which current Yankee player doesn't make you retch?

Game Heroes
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, 2 R, RBI, 2 BB
Mark Teixeira, NYY, 4-for-4, 2B, HR, 2 R, 4 RBI, BB
Alex Rodriguez, NYY, 1-for-4, HR (walk-off), R, 2 RBI (admitted user of performance-enhancing drugs. I'm just sayin'.)
Matt Guerrier, MIN, 2 IP, BB, K
Mariano Rivera, NYY, 2 IP, 2 H, 2 K

Game Goats
none

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	18-16
Kansas City	19-17
Minnesota	18-19
Chicago	15-20
Cleveland	14-23

5-15-09 New York (AL) 5, Twins 4

2009-05-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

Too mad.

But I now HATE Mark Teixiera, not that that I loved the whiny moneygrubbing minge before.

Game Heroes
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-5, 2 HR, 2 R, 2 RBI
Jose Mijares, MIN, 1.1 IP, H, BB
Brett Gardner, NYY, 3-for-3, HR, 3B, 2 R, RBI
Melky Cabrera, NYY, 2-for-5, 2 RBI

Game Goats
Joe Nathan, MIN, L, BS, .2 IP, 3 H, 3 ER, 2 BB, K

Al Central standings after the game

Detroit	17-16
Kansas City	18-17
Minnesota	18-18
Chicago	15-19
Cleveland	14-22

5-14-09 Twins 6, Tigers 5

2009-05-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Ford Prefect et al are on a spaceship that transports them to random spots of the galaxy which, coincidentally?, are exactly where they need to be for the plot to advance. The spaceship doesn't have a warp drive, it has an Improbability Drive. When the spaceship transports somewhere, the characters remark that it isn't impossible, it's improbable.

Today's Twins win wasn't impossible, but it sure was improbable.

Scott Baker, again, cruised through the early innings, then, again, imploded. (This season, there's nothing improbable about that.) With two outs in the sixth inning, Baker allowed five straight runs. Granted, we might say that his defense cost him that inning, but he's a fragile pitcher right now, always a pitch away from a meltdown.

How did his defense cost him? Jason Kubel played left today, Denard Span's usual position. With two on and two out, Detroit's Ramon Santiago sent a fly to the left-center gap. Kubel came up an inch short of a great catch. Denard Span's speed would've put the out away pretty easily.

But don't hate on Kubel, Span fans.

With all lost, suddenly down 5-0 in the 7th, the Twins staged an absurd comeback. Here's the play-by-play:

Joe Crede strikes out. One down, no-one on.
Brian Buscher singles. One down, runner on first.
Nick Punto walks. One down, runners on second and first. Bobby Seay relieves Justin Verlander.

Bobby Seay was the left-handed specialist of the Royals last year. A huge part of his job description is to get the Twins' left-handed batter out. Span, Mauer, Morneau, Kubel. All potent. But he's a wierd-delivery lefty. And he gets paid the big bucks to get those guys out. Let's see how he did:

Denard Span singles. One down, bases loaded.
Matt Tolbert walks. One run in. One down, bases loaded.
Joe Mauer grounds into fielder's choice, Denard Span out at second. Two runs in. Two down, runners on first and third.
Justin Morneau singles. Three runs in. Two down, runners on first and third.
Jason Kubel ground rule double. Four runs in. Two down, runners on second and third. Zach Miner relieves Bobby Seay.

Mr. Seay failed. But he left with two outs and the Tigers still had the 5-4 lead.

Michael Cuddyer walks. Two outs, bases loaded.
Joe Crede singles. Six runs in, runners on first and third.
Brian Buscher flies out. End of 7th. 6 Rins. Five Hits. No errors. Twins 6, Detroit 5.

Not impossible. Improbable.

Also, the victory might have something to do with the arc of the universe bending toward justice. I was listening to the game in my office at school. I packed up to leave with the Twins down 5-0. I went to Heidi's office. There, we heard that the North Dakota State Board of Higher Education voted to retire UND's Fighting Sioux nickname.

This has been a 40-year fight, maybe longer. There's still a ridiculous clause that the nickname can stay if the tribes agree to a 30-year agreement that UND can use the nickname. But asking any government to hold themselves to a 30-year commitment is impossible. (Or highly improbable.) We can barely agree to Anti-Nuclear Proliferation treaties.

But, it's good to hear that this nickname is going away. There are many reasons why it needs to, and just as many why this is a positive step forward. Now, if we can just remove athletics from universities all together, we'll be great!

Game Heroes
Justin Verlander, DET, 6.1 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 3 BB, 13 K, WP
Craig Breslow, MIN, W, 1.2 IP, 2 H, K
Jason Kubel, MIN, 3-for-4, 2B, R, RBI
Joe Crede, MIN, 1-for-4, 2 RBI, 2 K

Game Goats
Bobby Seay, DET, L, .1 IP, 3 H, 4 ER, BB

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	18-16
Detroit	17-16
Minnesota	18-17
Chicago	15-18
Cleveland	13-22

5-13-09 (into 5-14-09) Twins 14, Detroit 10 (13 innings)

2009-05-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

In the top of the thirteenth, it looked like we'd lost the game on a balk. In the bottom of the thirteenth, we won the game with a walk-off grand slam.

And I got a job today.

So. What, what!

Game Heroes
Joe Crede, MIN, 2-for-7, GS (walk off), R, 4 RBI
Brendan Harris, MIN, 3-for-5, 2B, 2 R, BB, K
Curtis Granderson, DET, 3-for-6, 3B, 2 R
Jose Mijares, MIN, 2 IP, H, 2 K
Jason Kubel, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, 2 RBI, R

Game Goats
my tiredness

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	17-15
Kansas City	18-16
Minnesota	17-17
Chicago	15-18
Cleveland	13-22

5-12-09 Twins 6, Detroit 2

2009-05-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

I missed this game, but right now I'm listening to Miss USA tearfully say that she exercised her freedom of speech, and that her grandfather fought at the Battle of the Bulge, and that he fought for her freedoms, and that he taught her that she shouldn't ever back down from a fight about her freedom.

Game Heroes
Joe Crede, MIN, 1-for-4, HR, 2 RBI, R, K
Joe Mauer, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, 2 RBI, R, BB
Jose Mijares, MIN, 1.1 IP, K, HLD
Jeff Larish, DET, 2-for-3, HR, RBI, R
Kevin Slowey, MIN, W, 6 IP, 8 H, ER, 2 BB, 2 K, HR

Game Goats
none

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	17-14
Kansas City	18-15
Minnesota	16-17
Chicago	15-17
Cleveland	12-22

05-10-09 Seattle 5, Twins 3

2009-05-10T14:28:00.000-07:00

[WARNING: This blog contains adult language.]

I fucking hate fucking bullpen pitchers. I fucking hate when those fucking fuckers fuck up a win. I fucking hate it. It drives me fucking crazy watching those fucking motherfuckers fuck up a motherfucking victory.

The three bullpen losses in seven days are the difference between being two games under .500, like we are now, and being four games over .500.

Yes, bullpen pitchers are, by definition, the worst pitchers in your system. If they were better pitchers, they'd be starters or closers. And, yes, they come and do their job way more often than not, and I rarely sing their praises when they do their jobs.

However, there seems to have been a certain inattention to cultivating a bullpen over the past two years. The moves made this year were questionable decisions, hoping against hope, or trying to catch lightning in a bottle. That's what most teams in baseball do. (Only the Angels of the past three years have had a dominant bullpen with K-Rod, Scot Schields, et al, though you could make an argument for the Red Sox' strength being their bullpen.)

I don't know what the Twins are supposed to do. But here's what I do know:

I fucking hate watching the motherfucking bullpen fuck up a fucking win.

Game Heroes
Ken Griffey, Jr., MIN, 2-for-5, HR, 2B, 2 RBI, R
Joe Mauer, MIN, 2-for-4, RBI, R, BB

Game Goats
Fucking Jose Fucking Mijares, MIN, .1 IP, BS, H, 2 ER, BB, HR
Fucking Jesse Fucking Crain, MIN, 0 IP, L, 3 H, 2 ER, WP
Fucking Craig Fucking Breslow, MIN, IP, H, ER, K, HR

Al Central standing after the game

Kansas City	18-13
Detroit	17-13
Minnesota	15-17
Chicago	14-16
Cleveland	11-21

05-09-09 Twins 9, Seattle 6

2009-05-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

Statistics are misleading. But players know that their worth is tied fairly directly to the columns on the back of their bubble-gum card, so players care about stats. It becomes a problem when players care more about stats than they do the game at hand.

Case in point, here is Adrian Beltre's line from tonight's box score:

3-for-4, HR, 2B, 2 R, 2 RBI, SB, CS, 2 E

At a glance, you might assume that he had a great ballgame. But I'm going to call him a goat. His homerun came leading off the 8th and got the Mariners within three. All it accomplished was getting Joe Nathan up in the bullpen.

His stolen base came in the fourth, after a Mike Sweeney homerun had gotten the M's within 2. But it played into his overconfidence. In the fifth inning, with Twins starter Liriano on the ropes, Beltre was the tying run on second base with one out. Of the previous 11 batters, Liriano got 3 out. On a 2-1 pitch, Beltre took off for third. Mauer threw him out by a good ten feet, and Liriano got out of the inning with a one-run lead. In the bottom of the fifth, Michael Cuddyer hit a three-run homerun and the game was all over but the crying (and Beltre's meaningless homerun in the 8th).

I texted with a Seattle fan during the game, and we both agreed: Adrian Beltre is playing for stats. Come the trade deadline, GMs in Chicago or Kansas City (or Los Angeles? wouldn't that be cosmically ironic?) aren't going to look at Caught Stealing stats, nor will they look at the game situations Beltre hit his homeruns in.

Maybe, though, they'll look at his errors. With 2 more tonight (one allowing a run), Beltre has seven on the young season. This is supposed to be a guy that was a coveted glove, but he's playing like a poor-poor-poor-poor-poor man's version of Alex Rodriguez: flashy stats and mind-numbing game mistakes.

Maybe he won't get traded. And that would be a good thing. Not because I want Seattle fans to suffer. I don't. Some of my best friends are Seattle fans. But I don't like seeing overpaid thirdbasemen who hit 15-20 worthless homeruns and otherwise bat .260. (Like Joe Crede?) Yes. Like Joe Crede.

[P.S. Big shout-out to my friends that were at the game! Busy night in the homerun porch. Whose homerun was prettiest?]

Game Heroes
Joe Mauer, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, 2B, 3 RBI, 2 R, 2 BB
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-2, HR, RBI, 2 R, 2 BB
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 2-for-4, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, K
Joe Nathan, MIN, S, IP, H

Game Goats
Adrian Beltre, SEA, 3-for-4, HR, 2B, 2 R, 2 RBI, SB, CS, 2 E

AL Central standings after the game

Kansas City	18-12
Detroit	16-13
Minnesota	15-16
Chicago	14-15
Cleveland	11-19

5-08-09 Twins 11, Seattle 0

2009-05-08T20:22:00.000-07:00

This aren't the Mariners that were the Mariners when the Mariners began the season against the Metrodome. That team hustled, picked each other up. This team sucks. This team stares at each other before retrieving an errant throw--the surest sign of a team not getting along.

The Twins hit their first back-to-back jacks of the year. Guess who? Mauer and Morneau. In fact, the Twins hit four homeruns in this game. That will not happen more than four times this entire season.

It was a good victory, one that followed the script. Scott Baker looked like the ace. The three left-handed power bats all produced. The top of the lineup got on base. The defense was crisp. Bottle it and sell it.

Game Heroes
Brendan Harris, MIN, 2-for-4, HR, 3 RBI, R
Joe Mauer, MIN, 2-for-5, HR, 2 RBI, R
Justin Morneau, MIN, 1-for-3, HR, 2 RBI, R, BB
Scott Baker, MIN, W, 7 IP, 5 H, 5 K

Game Goats
Chris Jakubauskas, SEA, L, 4.1 IP, 8 H, 9 ER, 3 BB, 3 HR

AL Central standings after the game

Kansas City	18-11
Detroit	15-13
Minnesota	14-16
Chicago	13-15
Cleveland	11-19

5-08-09 Baltimore 5, Twins 4

2009-05-07T22:06:00.000-07:00

I feel like this slope gets steeper, but at least there's no return.

The Twins couldn't convert. Fourteen hits should give you more than four runs. That's the problem with a no-power offense.

And this is tough to watch while the Royals are building an impressive division lead. They've now won six in a row, and we remember that two of those were come-backs against our beloved team, one a come-back against a would-be no-hitter.

Baseball can turn quickly. Let's hope the Twins can turn it back once they get back to the Metrodome. Enough with these idiotic two-game East Coast road trips.

Game Heroes
Aubrey Huff, BAL, 1-for-2, HR, 2 R, RBI, 2 BB
Joe Mauer, MIN, 3-for-4, RBI, BB, K
Delmon Young, 3-for-4, RBI

Game Goats
Justin Morneau, MIN, 0-for-3, RBI, BB, 5 LOB
Jason Kubel, MIN, 1-for-4, R, K, 5 LOB

AL Central standings after the game

Kansas City	18-11
Detroit	14-13
Chicago	13-14
Minnesota	13-16
Cleveland	11-18

5-7-09 Baltimore 4, Twins 1 (6 innings)

2009-05-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

Major League Baseball puts together shitty schedules. Twice already, the Twins have gone to the East Coast for two-game series, the only trip to Boston and Baltimore, respectively, all year long. Both times, the first game is either rained out or rain-shortened. Both times, game officials have to shoehorn the rainy game in because there's only one trip east scheduled for all year.

But thank God we play the Pittsburgh Pirates.

This is an undue hardship on a team. The Twins, for example, are forced to dip into the bullpen for pitchers, because the starter can't be asked to go back in after the second fifty-minute rain delay.

This, however, is not an excuse for the Twins' awful play. In a rainy game, the first innings become vital. Get an early lead; hang on until the game turns official in the fourth; seed the clouds and hope the umps call the game. That's how you win soakers.

That begin said, the Twins were lethargic in the first. No spark, fouling off meaty fastballs. Kevin Slowey strolled around the mound too much. Nick Punto, as always, hustled and dove around. But that's Nick "Churchbells" Punto. That's what he does.

Game Heroes
Nick Markakis, BAL, 2-for-3, HR, 2 RBI, R
Luke Scott, BAL, 2-for-2, HR, 2 RBI, R
Adam Jones, BAL, 2-for-3, 2B, R

Game Goats
Kevin Slowey, MIN, L, 3 IP, 6 H, 3 ER, 2 K, HR
Major League Baseball's Scheduling Office

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	17-11
Detroit	14-12
Minnesota	13-15
Chicago	12-14
Cleveland	11-17

5-5-09 Detroit 9, Twins 0

2009-05-05T18:40:00.001-07:00

You can't win the game if you can't catch the ball. Three errors, plus Cuddyer misplaying a line-drive and turning it into a triple, plus Casilla double-clutching a potential throw to the plate in the first inning, for Detroit's first run.

You can't win the game if you can't catch the ball.

Game Heroes
Clete Thomas, DET, 3-for-4, 2B, 3B, 2 R, 2 RBI, BB
Miguel Cabrera, DET, 3-for-4, 2B, HR, R, 4 RBI

Game Goats
Delmon Young, MIN, 0-for-3, BB, K, E
Alexi Casilla, MIN, 1-for-4, 2 K, E
Joe Crede, MIN, 0-for-3, BB, E

AL Central standings after the game

Kansas City	15-11
Detroit	14-12
Minnesota	13-14
Chicago	12-13
Cleveland	10-17

5-4-09 Twins 7, Detroit 2

2009-05-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

The offense has been doing well lately, and that has a lot to do with Michael Cuddyer's contributions. This line-up NEEDS a right-handed contributor, and this fan NEEDS Michael Cuddyer to be that guy. (Or, at least, I'm married to a woman who needs Cuddyer. I think she means that she respects his baseball prowess.)

Tonight, we got the offense to produce while a pitcher dominated the other team. Liriano looked sharp and struck-out nine on his way to the season's first victory. (Let's hope that Mr. Scott Baker is inspired.)

All in all, tonight was the best of both worlds. Big win with big performances.

Game Heroes
Denard Span, MIN, 4-for-5, RBI
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 2-for-3, 3B, 3 RBI, BB, K
Francisco Liriano, MIN, W, 7.1 IP, 4 H, 2 ER, 3 BB, 9 K, HR

Game Goats
Brandan Inge, DET, 0-for-4, 2 K, 2 LOB
Greg Laird, DET, 0-for-4, K, 2 LOB

AL Central standings after the game

Kansas City	14-11
Detroit	13-12
Minnesota	13-13
Chicago	12-12
Cleveland	9-16

5-3-09 Kansas City 7, Twins 5

2009-05-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

First six innings: Baker works on a no-no, Twins build a 4-0 lead. Dick Bremer doesn't stop yapping about no-hitters, how Scott Baker might "pitch a no-hitter."

YOU DON'T MENTION A NO-HITTER WHILE SOMEONE IS PITCHING A NO-HITTER.

Seventh inning, Royals chase Baker with six straight hits and five runs. The Twins have no response, because a) the bullpen are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked and b) the bullpen sucks hairy, hairy balls and c) the Royals beat down the Twins over the course of the series, coming back every time, fighting through every at-bat, taking every base, forcing every issue. That, and our bullpen is horrible.

So the Royals out-hustled and out-performed the Twins at home, in the series that Mauer comes back. This was supposed to be a vitalizing week-end series: huge turnouts to see Mauer and to get Kirby bobbleheads. But the Royals wrecked it.

Congratulate the Royals. This was a big series win for them, and a big bugle call to the AL Central that Kansas City is to be taken seriously.

Meanwhile, things are seriously wrong with Baker. He was pitching great through five innings and got lucky in the sixth. A couple of line-drives were caught and he maintained the no-hitter. But he was demonstrative--shaking his head, wiping his brow. He looked worried. He looked like a pitcher waiting around to fail. And now he's 0-4 on the season.

Game Heroes
Jose Guillen, KC, 2-for-3, 2B, HR, R, 4 RBI, BB
Jamey Wright, KC, 1 IP, HLD
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 2-for-3, 2B, R, 2 RBI, BB

Game Goats
Scott Baker, MIN, L, 6 IP, 5 H, 5 ER, BB, 4 K, HR
Dick Bremer, MIN, jinxed the no-hitter

AL Central standings after the game

Kansas City	14-11
Chicago	12-10
Detroit	13-11
Minnesota	12-13
Cleveland	9-16

5-2-09 Kansas City 10, Twins 7 (11 innings)

2009-05-02T20:19:00.000-07:00

Ever watch an ugly eleventh inning?

Craig Breslow has. He walked the bases loaded. Then R.A. Dickey came in. Because, apparently, that's what R.A. Dickey's role is on this team. Bring in the knuckleballer with the bases loaded. Because you would want to put your knucleballer into a situation that he couldn't throw a knuckleball.

So much got thrown in the shit by this game: wasted good nights from Delmon Young, Joe Mauer, and Michael Cuddyer.

Game Heroes
Delmon Young, MIN, 3-for-4, 2 R, 2 RBI
Willy Bloomquist, KC, 3-for-5, HR, 2 R, RBI
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 2-for-4, HR, 3 R, RBI
Joe Mauer, MIN, 4-for-6, 2B, RBI

Game Goats
Craig Breslow, MIN, .1 IP, 3 BB, 3 ER

AL Central standings after the game

Chicago	12-10
Kansas City	13-11
Detroit	12-11
Minnesota	12-12
Cleveland	9-15

5-1-09 Twins 7, Kansas City 5

2009-05-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

We went to a chorale performance of Rachmaninoff tonight. But we heard Mauer's homerun. Holy eff! First swing of the year, dude hits a homerun.

Let's quote Old Dirty Bastard: "Big baby Jesus, I can't wait, man, fuck that, I can't wait."

Nicely done, Mr. Mauer.

Game Heroes
Joe Mauer, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, 2B, 3 R, RBI, BB
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, R, 3 RBI
Matt Guerrier, MIN, 2 IP, HLD
Jose Guillen, KC, 3-for-4, 2 RBI

Game Goats
Sidney Ponson, KC, L, 4.1 IP, 9 H, 7 ER, BB, K, 2 HR

AL Central standings after the game

Chicago	12-10
Kansas City	12-11
Minnesota	12-11
Detroit	11-11
Cleveland	9-14

4-29-09 Twins 8, Tampa Bay 3

2009-04-29T19:48:00.000-07:00

So, we've made it through April playing .500 baseball, with our best player rehabbing a squeaky joint.

Tonight, Scott Kazmir -- usually a tough pitcher -- went wild early and awkward often. And he wasn't helped by the Rays defense. Three fielders let a blooper fall between them. Iwamura committed two errors on one play.

But props to the Twins offense. The local nine pressured the Rays all night. Kubel hustled on the base-paths. Span put together five superb at-bats. Morneau shot two line drives to the opposite field. Brendan Harris continued his Play-Me April.

All in all, it was a good night, and a good way to ready the return of Mr. Mauer, who, Dick Bremer told the television audience, is due to return to the Cities overnight.

The question to consider over the off-day: where does Mr. Mauer hit? Do the Twins go 3-4-5 with their lefties, Mauer, Morneau and Kubel? Add that to Span batting lead-off. That's a lefty at 1, 3, 4 and 5. I can think of some Central teams with some salivating loogies.

Game Heroes
Denard Span, MIN, 3-for-5, 2 R
Brendan Harris, MIN, 3-for-5, 2 R, RBI, K
Justin Morneau, MIN, 3-for-4, 2B, 2 R, RBI, BB

Game Goats
Akinori Iwamura, TB, 0-for-2, 2 E
Scott Kazmir, TB, L, 4 IP, 9 H, 8 R, 6 ER, 4 BB, 4 K

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	11-10
Kansas City	11-10
Chicago	11-10
Minnesota	11-11
Cleveland	8-14

4-28-09 Twins 4, Tampa Bay 3

2009-04-28T20:11:00.001-07:00

There's something about Tuesdays. Each game the Twins have played so far, they've won in their last at-bat. This one ended with a game-winning fielder's choice from Justin Morneau, which isn't exactly the sexiest way to win a game in your final at-bat.

Special shout-outs to Jose Mijares, who dominated the eighth inning by striking out the side. It's nice to see him back to that September form we all fell in love with. Our bullpen looks a lot better with a solid eighth-inning stopper, someone to get the game to Joe Nathan, who won't give-up game-tying homeruns with his first pitch every night.

Offensively, the Twins still scuttle without Joe Mauer. But word is that he's maybe less than a week away. Earlier, I wrote that the Twins goal should be to play .500 without him and see where they're at once he comes back. Looks like that's a possibility.

Game Heroes
Jose Mijares, MIN, 1 IP, BB, 3 K
Jose Morales, MIN, 2-for-4, R
Justin Morneau, MIN, 1-for-5, HR, 3 RBI
Ben Zobrist, TB, 1-for-1, HR, R, RBI (game-tying, pinch-hit homerun)

Game Goats
Joe Nathan, MIN, W, BS, 1 IP, 2 H, ER, RBI, BB, HR

AL Central standings after the game

Detroit	11-9
Kansas City	10-10
Chicago	10-10
Minnesota	10-11
Cleveland	8-13

4-27-09 Tampa Bay 7, Twins 1

2009-04-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

Oh good. We're back to losing games by getting dominated from the first inning on. Close games give fans heartburn, and the Twins, being a kind and loving God, don't want to put us through all that unpleasantness.

The Twins faced a pitcher they'd never seen before and made him seem like Cy Fucking Young. At the end of the season, maybe we can search this blog for that sentence. I have a feeling we'll get around 20 hits.

Joe Crede hit a meaningless home run. Whatever boosh.

Scott Baker still didn't look good. But, well, I guess he worked through some issues, and, you know, blah blah blah. If you're the Ace, you don't get shelled in three straight games. (And this goes for you, too, Francisco.) The Twins depend on a young rotation, but every successful rotation has a leader. Baker, so far, seems like a pretender to the throne.

At the Twenty-Game Pole:
The Twins average 4.05 runs a game and allowed 5.35, which leads to an 'expected' record is 7-13. The Twins offense seems to have trouble getting going. It's like watching a sputtering car. If only we had a consistent hitter, who would get on base, say, 40% of the time and always put together quality at-bats.

Game Heroes
Carlos Pena, TAM, 2-for-4, HR, 3B, 2 R, 3 RBI, K
Joe Nelson, TAM, 1.1 IP, K, HLD
Evan Longoria, TAM, 2-for-3, 2B, 2 R, RBI, BB

Game Goats
Justin Morneau, MIN, 0-for-3, K, 4 LOB
Jason Kubel, MIN, 0-for-4, 2 K, 4 LOB

AL Central standings so far

Detroit	11-8
Kansas City	10-9
Chicago	9-9
Minnesota	9-11
Cleveland	7-13

4-26-09 Cleveland 4, Twins 2

2009-04-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

Stat heads will tell you that stats can be, well, deceiving. For instance, in this game Kerry Wood got the save for Cleveland, but the real bullpen hero was Tony Sipp. Sipp, in only his second major-league appearance, was called into a bases-loaded situation with one out, Cleveland up by two. His task: get Justin Morneau and Jason Kubel out.

Morneau and Kubel, the hottest hitters in the Twins line-up, were also the best hitters in the line-up. But Sipp, with 95+ mph heat and a nasty slider, struck out both batters. It was the Twins' best chance at a win.

Strange as this might sound, it was nice to see the Twins lose a close one. Not that I enjoy watching the Twins lose. But it was nice seeing a crisp ball-game, with each side getting a couple of chances and the difference coming down to timely hitting. Better than the 8-0 shellackings we've seen in the earlier games. Maybe the season's settled in a bit, and soon enough we can begin to judge exactly what type of team this Twins roster is.

Game Heroes
Tony Sipp, CLE, .2 IP, 2 K, HLD
Aaron Laffey, CLE, W, 6.1 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 4 BB, K
Jose Morales, MIN, 4-for-4, 2B, R (threw out the first opponent caught stealing all year)
Asdrubel Cabrera, CLE, 2-for-3, 2B, R, RBI, BB, K
Denard Span, MIN, 1-for-2, 2 RBI, (first major-league pinch-hit appearance)

Game Goats
none

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	10-8
Chicago	9-9
Kansas City	9-9
Minnesota	9-10
Cleveland	7-12

4-25-09 Twins 7, Cleveland 1

2009-04-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

These two nights by Erie have been the best so far this season. Kevin Slowey pitched a gem, the Twins scored a first inning run and kept pecking away. Good at-bats early in the game led to power late in the game.

You can't always judge the outcome of a game by the first batter. But tonight's game lead off with a good clue: Denard Span lifted a foul down to Cleveland left fielder, Ben Francisco. Francisco lolly gagged over, made an awkward backhanded stab at the ball, and let it drop. Span went on to strike out two pitches later, but that lackadaisical effort didn't go unnoticed. Cleveland's starter, Carl Pavano, famous for being a moody jerk, glared at his left fielder. And he pitched the rest of the game frustrated.

The Twins started the fourth with four straight hits, two of those being of the groundball-with-eyes variety. But Pavano didn't move past it. The game was 3-0 at that point, and with Cleveland's line-up, that's a close game. But Pavano gave up a homerun in the fifth, and started the sixth with a hit and a walk.

Then he went in the dug-out and trashed the Gatorade cooler.

Fuckin' Gatorade cooler.

Game Heroes
Kevin Slowey, MIN, W, 8 IP, 8 H, ER, 7 K
Jason Kubel, MIN, 3-for-5, 2 HR, 2B, 2 R, 2 RBI
Delmon Young, MIN, 3-for-4, R, RBI, SB (4 at-bats, seven pitches seen, seven swings)
Joe Crede, MIN, 2-for-5, HR, 2 R, RBI

Game Goats
Carl Pavano, CLE, L, 5 IP, 11 H, 5 ER, BB, 3 K, HR

Al Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	9-8
Chicago	9-8
Detroit	9-8
Minnesota	9-9
Cleveland	6-12

4-24-09 Twins 5, Cleveland 1

2009-04-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first game this year in which the Twins were never behind.

One thing: Michael Cuddyer is still faltering, and the Twins are still pot committed to him. With all the talk of the logjam in the outfield at the beginning of the year, not much centered around Cuddyer. He, it was assumed, was the one you could count on. But after today's game, he's batting .210, and batting .210 in the middle of this line-up.

I cheer for Cuddyer. He does magic tricks. His best magic trick so far was his 2006 season. And I'm losing more and more faith that he can re-capture that. (Trade bait?)

Game Heroes
Nick Blackburn, MIN, W, 7 IP, 6 H, ER, 4 K
Denard Span, MIN, 2-for-5, 2 R
Justin Morneau, MIN, 1-for-5, HR, R, 2 RBI

Game Goats
Travis Hafner, CLE, 0-for-4, K, 3 LOB
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 1-for-4, 3 K, 4 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	9-7
Chicago	8-8
Detroit	8-8
Minnesota	8-9
Cleveland	6-11

4-22-09 Boston 7, Twins 3

2009-04-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to see or listen to this game, but here's something you might find interesting. The Twins have played 16 games, scored 66 runs and given up 94. Their expected record, based on a formula that counts runs scored and runs allowed, is 5-11. In other words, they've won some close games and been blown out a lot. Another scary sign: the Twins have been behind, at some point, in each of their first 16 games.

There hasn't been much to like so far. But there's no real reason to panic, either. Let's wait for panic maybe another, say, ten games. In the meantime, of course, panic.

Game Heroes
Jeff Bailey, BOS, 1-for-2, HR, R, 3 RBI
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-3, HR, 2 R, RBI, BB
Nick Green, BOS, 2-for-3, R

Game Goats
Francisco Liriano, MIN, L, 4 IP, 4 H, 7 ER, 4 BB, 6 K, HR, HB
Brian Buscher, MIN, 0-for-4, K

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	8-6
Chicago	8-6
Detroit	8-6
Minnesota	7-9
Cleveland	5-10

4-22-09 Boston 10, Twins 1

2009-04-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

Scott Baker can't keep the ball down, and, as a consequence, Scott Baker can't keep the ball in the park.

The bullpen, again, looked scary. Jose Morillo, recently added, faced four batter and got no one out. In 17 pitches. He was throwing 98 mph, but missed the glove on every pitch. Blech.

They called this game after 8 innings, because the rain in Boston came down like crazy. (In reality, the game was over after the second inning.) This was a make-up game from the night before, but there's doubt they'll get tonight's game in. I hope they do. I don't want the taste of this one to stick with the team for too long.

Game Heroes
Tim Wakefield, BOS, W, 7 IP, CG, 5 H, ER, BB, 4 K
Mike Lowell, BOS, 3-for-4, HR, R, 3 RBI
J.D. Drew, BOS, 3-for-3, 2 2B, 2 R, BB

Game Goats
Scott Baker, MIN, L, 4.2 IP, 10 H, 6 ER, BB, 2 K, 3 HR
Jose Morilla, MIN, 0 IP, H, 4 ER, 3 BB

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	7-6
Chicago	7-6
Detroit	7-6
Minnesota	7-8
Cleveland	5-9

4-19-09 Twins 3, Los Angeles of Anahem 1

2009-04-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

Glen Perkins has gone eight innings in each of his first three starts, and with the opening marathon of games over, and with all other pitchers scuttling through the first 14 games, Glen Perkins has been our most valuable player.

In this afternoon's game, Perkins faced 28 batters and got 24 outs. He got strike one on 18 batters. He only threw 84 pitches, and had three innings with less than ten pitches. It was a dominant gem, and a great way to go into our first off day.

The Angels pitcher, Shane Loux, kept the ball at the knees and in the infield, but this was a game won by the Twins speed. Carlos Gomez had three infield hits. Denard Span got an RBI by beating out a double-play.

In a game of groundballs, the Angels secondbaseman, Howie Kendrick, let his team down. At the plate, he went 0-for-4 with three strikeouts. In the field he had eight assists and two put-outs, but he came up inches short on three plays that might have changed the game. Worst, he bobbled the exchange on Span's RBI.

If the Angels are the higher-priced version of the Twins -- all speed and all defense -- their model let them down in this series. After Kubel's powerful cycle, the Twins wrested control and worked their way back to .500.

Game Heroes
Glen Perkins, MIN, W, 8 IP, 4 H, ER, BB, 4 K
Carlos Gomez, MIN, 3-for-3, RBI
Jose Morales, MIN, 2-for-3, 2B, R, RBI
Shane Loux, LAA, L, 7 IP, 10 H, 3 ER, 2 K

Game Goats
Howie Kendrick, LAA, 0-for-4, 3 K

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	7-4
Chicago	7-5
Detroit	7-5
Minnesota	7-7
Cleveland	4-9

4-18-09 Twins 9, Los Angeles of Anaheim 2

2009-04-18T19:03:00.000-07:00

Jason Kubel is a man with a bat in his hands. Against the Angels, he is 8-for-10. He has led a nice resurgence, and the Twins have gotten two important wins.

The Twins begin the season with fourteen consecutive games, eleven at home. On the one hand, you'd expect a rough start with no days off; on the other, you'd want an above-.500 record with all those home games. But, remember, we're still waiting on Mauer's return, and we're still want to play .500 baseball until he gets back.

Kubel has helped with that. Morneau has held his own. Brandan Harris has added some nice at-bats.

But the most promising thing about today's win was the performance of Kevin Slowey. His first two starts were crap. Just crap. But tonight, he threw down in the zone and, best of all, busted hitters inside. In the previous two starts, Slowey threw nothing but outside pitches. Hitters leaned over the plate and drove line drives into the gap. Tonight, by going inside, he froze hitters. Three of the five strike-outs were looking at inside pitches. We need more of that as we go on.

Game Heroes
Jason Kubel, MIN, 4-for-5, 2B, 3 R, 2 RBI
Brendan Harris, MIN, 3-for-5, 2B, 2 R
Delmon Young, MIN, 2-for-3, 3 RBI, BB
Kevin Slowey, MIN, W, 7 IP, 6 H, 2 ER, BB, 5 K

Game Goats
Kevin Jepsen, LAA, L, .2 IP, 3 H, 5 R, 4 ER, 3 BB

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	7-4
Chicago	6-5
Detroit	6-5
Minnesota	6-7
Cleveland	4-8

4-17-09 Twins 11, Los Angeles of Anaheim 9

2009-04-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

Heidi gave a poetry reading last night, so I didn't get to see much of the game. But I did see Jason Kubel's moon-shot, game-winning, big-boy, compound-modifying, grand-slam homerun.

Dude hits a cycle, and tops it off with a grand slam homerun. Opa!

Game Heroes
Jason Kubel, MIN, 4-for-5, HR, 3B, 2B, 2R, 5 RBI
Denard Span, MIN, 2-for-5, R, 2 RBI
Chone Figgins, LAA, 3-for-5, 2 R

Game Goats
Scot Shields, LAA, 0 IP, 2 H, 3 ER, BB
Jason Bulger, LAA, .2 IP, H, 2 ER, BB, HR, K

AL Central standings after the game

Kansas City	6-4
Detroit	5-5
Chicago	5-5
Minnesota	5-7
Cleveland	3-8

4-16-09 Toronto 9, Twins 2

2009-04-16T19:26:00.000-07:00

I golfed, on again and off again, for three or four years. I can't tell you my scoring average, though. It's not that I didn't keep score. I did. But, usually around the fifth or sixth hole, I'd a big X on the card and pitch it in the nearest dumpster.

You see, golf was so emasculating and frustrating in the moment, I thought there was no use imprinting my terribleness. That would only be soul-humiliating.

But, then again, I'm not a professional athlete.

The Twins relievers are professional athletes.

And this is their 7th inning, which began with the Blue Jays ahead by a run:

Matt Guerrier. 21 pitches. Two outs. Four hits. Four earned runs. One homerun.
Craig Breslow. 11 pitches. No outs. Two walks. Two earned runs.
R.A. Dickey. 14 pitches. No outs. Two hits. One walk. A grandslam (to Kevin Millar) on his first pitch.
Luis Ayala. Ended the seventh with a strikeout, which was on a full count, and was a merciful gift from the home plate umpire.

Also, the Twins batters are professional athletes.

Between Joe Crede's eleventh inning hit on April 14 and Michael Cuddyer's eighth-inning homerun, the Twin did not had a run-producing hit. That's seventeen innings of futility. Or, "small ball," or, "The Minnesota Twins' Way."

Say it together now: The Twins are professional athletes.

And they've been outscored 68-39 over the first eleven games.

---

That being said, let's talk about how brilliant Roy Halladay is. Guy's a tough sum'bitch, and here's your proof. During his seven innings, the Twins threatened three times. The second saw runners at the corners with no outs. Three grounders to the second baseman. One run scored. Inning over. The fifth saw runners at first and second with no outs. Three strikeouts later--three strikeouts on a total of 10 pitches--inning over. In the seventh, runners at first and second with no outs. A strikeout and a double-play later, inning over.

Halladay, like the greatest do, pitches best when he's in trouble. Watching him pitch was a thing of torturous beauty.

Game Heroes
Roy Halladay, TOR, W, 7 IP, ER, 8 H, 8 K, HB
Francisco Liriano, MIN, L, 6 IP, 2 R, ER, 7 H, 5 K, BB
Marco Scutaro, TOR, 2-for-5, 2 R, 2 RBI, HR, 2B, 2 K
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 2-for-4, 2 R, RBI, HR, K

Game Goats
Matt Guerrier, MIN, .2 IP, 4 ER, 4 H, HR

AL Central standings after the game

Kansas City	5-4
Detroit	5-4
Chicago	5-4
Minnesota	4-7
Cleveland	3-7

4-15-09 Toronto 12, Twins 2

2009-04-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

Here is a description of the 40th Blue Jays' hit of this series:

In the 8th inning, Toronto ahead 10-2, Twins pitcher R.A. Dickey walks the lead off batter. Up to bat is John McDonald, a seventh-inning substitute for starting shortstop Marco Scuturo. With the count 1-0, McDonald checks hits a dribbler back up the middle, which looks like a perfect double-play ball. Dickey, working on pure reflex, swats at the ball with his free hand and it comes to a rest half-way between the mound and second base.

That was the 40th Blue Jays' hit of this series. And there's one more game tomorrow.

Scott Baker, whose opening-day start was scratched due to shoulder stiffness, got rocked. His pitches were up. His fastballs barely touched 90. Bad recipe against these Jays.

I also wonder how much it's hurting the Twins pitchers to be dedicated to throwing strikes. Baker gave up four homeruns, all of which came with Baker ahead in the count. Scott Rolen on an 0-2 count; Aaron Hill on an 0-1 count, Vernon Wells on an 0-1 count; Michael Barrett on an 0-1 count.

Or maybe it's just the Jays offense, swinging big bats like they know how. Even the bench players, in the game once the outcome wasn't in doubt, both got hits in their first at-bats.

Or maybe it's the Twins offense. It was subtle, but the Blue Jays insulted the Twins, the Twins couldn't do a thing about it. All night long, the infielders crept in and the outfielders played about ten feet shallower than most teams. They were daring the Twins to hit it past them. Daring the Twins to put on big-boy pants. But the Twins couldn't do it. Of the 27 outs, the Twins hit 18 ground outs and struck out four times. With four hits, that's only nine balls the Twins hit out of the infield.

Michael Cuddyer, to focus on one guy, saw fifteen pitches and recorded four outs. That's your number five hitter. Twice he was the third out of an inning, and twice he lead off an inning with a weak grounder to the left side. Of course, no Twins player did anything worthwhile. But Cuddyer's been struggling through the first ten games. And he's our veteran. And, on nights like tonight, we need our veterans to at least put together good at-bats.

Game Heroes
Aaron Hill, TOR, 4-for-5, HR, R, 2 RBI
Vernon Wells, TOR, 2-for-5, HR, 2 R, RBI
Scott Richmond, TOR, W, 6.1 IP, ER, 2 R, 4 H, 3 K, 3 BB

Game Goats
Scott Baker, MIN, L, 4 IP, 6 ER, 5 H, 4 HR, 2 BB, 3 K
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, 0-for-4

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	5-4
Detroit	5-4
Chicago	4-4
Minnesota	4-6
Cleveland	2-7

4-14-09 Twins 3, Toronto 2 (11 innings)

2009-04-14T19:20:00.000-07:00

Doggerel for the first nine innings:

Glen Perkins knows the workings; he has the knack for pitching.
But the bats--herking, jerking--do nothing. So I'm bitching:
the Twinks have lost the touch.
They no longer score enough.
Let's cash in those pennies we've been pinching.

And for the extra frames:

Jesse Crain pitches two scoreless. Survives a 12-pitch battle with Adam Lind, the hottest hitter in the universe, to end the 11th.

Bottom of the 11th: Morneau hits a single. Joe Crede, our big off-season free-agent move, launches a double to deep center, Morneau rounds third, scores.

Our money, tonight, seems well spent.

Game Heroes
Glen Perkins, MIN, 8 IP, 7 H, 2 ER, BB, 4 K
Ricky Romero, TOR, 8 IP, 8 H, 2 ER, 2 K
Jesse Crain, MIN, W, 2 IP, 2 K
Justin Morneau, MIN, 3-for-5, 2B, R, RBI
Joe Crede, MIN, 2-for-5, 2 2B, R, RBI

Game Goats
none

AL Central Standings after the game

Kansas City	5-3
Chicago	4-3
Detroit	4-4
Minnesota	4-5
Cleveland	1-7

4-13-09 Toronto 8, Twins 6

2009-04-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first losing streak of the season. Welcome to the first taste of despair. Welcome to those heaping mouthfuls.

And here's what it tastes like tonight:

It tastes like your pitching staff giving up 19 hits, like your pitching staff giving up three homeruns, like your bullpen coughing up a late-inning lead, like your defense turning two double plays yet still giving up 8 runs, like your offense scoring 6 runs, getting 13 hits, and earning one big old loss.

Keven Slowey is known around baseball as a Sabremetrics pitcher: pound the strike zone and trust your defense, don't waste pitches nibbling around the corners of the zone, get strike one then strike two, etc. etc. But maybe baseball hitters aren't stupid. Maybe baseball hitters know that strikes are coming, so get ready to hit line drives. Tonight, he gave up fourteen baserunners and got sixteen out. Fourteen divided by thirty is an on-base percentage of .467.

Strike up the Trade Dalmon bandwagon. Twice tonight, he struck out with a man on third and nobody out. How did he strike out? I'll give you a hint: it wasn't by patiently working the count full.

We are the Blue Jays' bitch. Learn it. Love it. We've lost ten straight to that team. The last time we beat them was in 2007.

Game Heroes
Travis Snider, TOR, 2-for-3, 2 HR, 2 R, 3 RBI
Lyle Overbay, TOR, 2-for-5, R, 3 RBI
Scott Rolen, TOR, 3-for-5, 2 R, RBI
Jason Kubel, MIN, 2-for-5, HR, R, 2 RBI

Game Goats
Kevin Slowey, 5.1 IP, 13 H, 5 ER, BB, 2 K

AL Central Standings after the game

Chicago	4-3
Kansas City	4-3
Detroit	4-4
Minnesota	3-5
Cleveland	1-6

4-12-09 Chicago 6, Twins 1

2009-04-13T07:49:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to see the end of this game because I was invited to an Easter dinner at a friend's house. So I don't have much intelligent to say about it.

These guys do.

I noticed that the defense was unacceptable. I don't think Cuddyer moving in to first is a viable option to get the outfielders playing time. Unless Morneau is gassed, Cuddyer is too much of a drop-off defensively, and we all remember how Cuddyer's offense suffers when he plays poor infeld defense.

The Twins let two catchable foul pop-ups land, one Punto dropped, and another that Crede misjudged. Granted, if Crede caught it, the play would have been a Web Gem, but the next pitch was Jim Thome's untying homerun. And isn't Crede supposed to be Mr. Web Gem?

The Twins threatened in the seventh, only down 3-1, but Octavio Dotel came in and shut it all down.

The Twins threatened in the ninth and loaded the bases down 6-1, but Bobby Jenks shut it all down, and the Twins left Chicago a game under .500.

Game Heroes
Jim Thome, CHW, 1-for-4, HR, 2 RBI
Mark Buerhle, CHW, 6.1 IP, W, 2 H, ER, 5 K
Bobby Jenks, CHW, 1 IP, SV, K
Octavio Dotel, CHW, .2 IP, HLD, 2 K, BB

Game Goats
Michael Cuddyer, MIN, o-for-3, K, BB, 2 E

AL Central Standings after the game

Detroit	4-3
Chicago	3-3
Kansas City	3-3
Minnesota	3-4
Cleveland	1-5

4-11-09 Chicago 8, Twins 0

2009-04-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

This had little to do with the outcome of the game, other than turning a healthy victory into a walloping, but are we supposed to be impressed with Phillip Humber?

I know he's out of options. I know they can't demote him without risking losing his clearing waivers. But, isn't there a reason a player gets to that point in his career?

First, there's always a reason a pitcher is in the bullpen. Other than the closer, it means that the pitcher isn't good enough to start. Granted, middle relievers have become more important in the past ten years. Scot Shields, Carlos Marmol, etc. have become stars by consistently holding down the eighth. But, still, you'd have to think that if Marmol or Shields had better stuff, they'd close games. Or even better stuff, or at least a third pitch, and they'd start games.

So, in Humber, we have a guy who can't start and "can't" get demoted. Because we sure wouldn't want to lose this:

.2 IP, 4 H, 3 ER, 2 BB, HR, K

That's an on-base percentage against of .750, an opponent's OPS of 1.917.

Humber's seventh inning lasted eight batters, five of whom saw a first-pitch ball. And Humber seemed to be working on a curveball the way pitchers pitch in Spring Training. Six batters saw a first-pitch curve.

I wonder how much longer Humber can last. He's seen quite a bit of innings through the first week, probably so that Gardenhire can see quite a bit of Humber. Nothing's been terribly impressive so far.

But, like I said, the game wasn't exactly within reach when Humber came in. Liriano, after pitching four solid innings, lost command in the fifth.

With the White Sox up 2-0 and the bases loaded and one out, Paul Konerko worked a RBI with a walk. In this walk, an inside pitch was called a ball, then a strike, then a ball. The inconsistency was noted by the announcers, the batter and the pitcher. The next batter, Wilson Betamit, sent a grounder to Joe Crede -- the sure-gloved off-season acquisition. Crede bobbled the potential double play, the White Sox went ahead 4-0 on the fielder's choice, and the game never seemed to be within reach after that.

It seemed the Twins line-up spent all their runs in Saturday night's game. So, heading in the rubber match, each team has a blow-out and each team has embarrassed relievers.

Game Heroes
Corky Miller, CHI, 2-for-4, 2 RBI, R, K
Bartolo Colon, CHI, W, 6 IP, 3 H, 2 K, 2 BB
Carlos Quentin, CHI, 2-for-4, HR, RBI, 2 R, HBP
Nick Punto, MIN, 2-for-2, 2 BB, SB

Game Goats
Phillip Humber, MIN, .2 IP, 3 ER, 4 H, K, 2 BB, HR

AL Central Standings after the game

Minnesota	3-3
Detroit	3-3
Kansas City	2-2
Chicago	2-3
Cleveland	0-5

4-10-09 Twins 12, Chicago 5

2009-04-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

I hate the White Sox.

With Scott Baker pitching an Extended Spring game, the Twins were looking for a bonus win, a pitching victory they didn't count on when building a five-man rotation.

Enter knuckleballer R.A. Dickey. And like most knuckleballers, Dickey frustrated the White Sox just enough to hand the ball off to the bullpen with the lead. Chicago starter Jose Contreras, making his first start since surgery, was unimpressive. He gave up 4 runs through 5 innings, struggling through most plate appearances. Twins hitters -- with the notable exception of Delmon Young -- were patient. Contreras began 13 of 25 batters with a first-pitch ball. This patience eventually broke the game open.

Chicago's bullpen probably made Ozzie Guillen curse. More than usual. More than, say, a curse word for every non-curse word. Clayton Richards got the Twins out in order in the sixth. Then the seventh came.

Justin Morneau, home run to left.
Jason Kubel, four pitch walk.

Richards leaves the game, and Mike MacDougal comes in.

Michael Cuddyer, four pitch walk.
Joe Crede, four pitch walk.

Mike MacDougal leaves the game. That's right, Twins fans, the Chicago bullpen threw 12 consecutive pitches without finding the strike zone. At this point, the Twins were ahead 5-3. Then D.J. Carrasco comes in.

Delmon Young, single up the middle.
Jose Morales, single into center.
Nick Punto, single above the third baseman's head.
Denard Span, single into left.
Alexi Casilla, single between the shortstop and third baseman.
Justin Morneau, sacrifice fly to deep left.

By the time the White Sox bullpen got the first out in the seventh, the Twins had 6 hits and 3 walks. Nine men up, not one out. The score: 11-3.

Here are the lines of the three Chicago relievers from Friday night:
Clayton Richards, 1+ IP, 2 ER, H, HR, 2 BB, K, BK
Mike MacDougal, 0 IP, 2 ER, 2 BB, WP
D.J. Carrasco, 3 IP, 7 H, 4 ER

White Sox Bullpen on Friday:
4 IP, 8 ER, 8 H, 4 BB, HR, K, BK, WP

This was a beautiful thing to watch. Consider: the previous game, the Twins were blanked by the Mariners. Consider, the previous game in Chicago, the Twins lost 1-0 in the 163rd game of 2008, and missed the playoffs by one Jim Thome homerun.

So the Twins sit pretty heading into the next two games of the series, having burnt up three Chicago relievers. I know that the same thing will happen to the Twins at some point this year, that the Twins will give up 10 runs in one inning, and I know that I shouldn't gloat.

But it's the White Sox. And I hate the White Sox. So I gloat:

Chicago is terrible town, with a terrible team, with terrible players, with terrible names, with terrible coaches, and with terrible fans.

Game Heroes
Jose Morales, MIN, 2-for-3, 2 R, 2B, 2 BB -- zero passed balls catching the knuckleballer
Alexi Casilla, MIN, 3-for-5, 2 R, 3B, BB
Joe Crede, MIN, 1-for-3, HR, 2 R, RBI, 2 BB
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-5, HR, R, 4 RBI

Game Goats
Mike MacDougal, 0 IP, 2 ER, 2 BB

AL Central Standings after the game

Minnesota	3-2
Kansas City	2-2
Detroit	2-3
Chicago	1-3
Cleveland	0-4

4-9-09 Seattle 2, Twins 0

2009-04-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

Well, poop.

Glen Perkins pitched a gem. So did Jarrod Washburn. The Twins hit five singles through nine innings. Sad boosh. The Mariners hit two two-out RBI singles.

The top two of the Twins line-up, Denard Span and Alexi Casilla, had been good for the first three games. Today, they combined 0-for-8, and left a combined 7 runners on base.

It was an afternoon game when I questioned the wisdom of buying the MLB radio package. I'm not sure I really wanted to listen to that game.

Game Heroes
Jarrod Washburn, SEA, W, 8 IP, 5 H, 4 K, BB
Glen Perkins, MIN, L, 8 IP, 5 H, ER, 4 K, 2 BB
Adrian Beltre, SEA, 2-for-2, RBI, 2 BB

Game Goats
Denard Span, MIN, 0-for-4, 4 LOB
Alexi Casilla, MIN, 0-for-4, 3 LOB

AL Central Standings after the game

Minnesota	2-2
Kansas City	1-1
Chicago	1-1
Detroit	1-3
Cleveland	0-2

4-8-09 Twins 6, Seattle 5

2009-04-08T19:35:00.000-07:00

I love baseball, simply. I love watching an at-bat, I love watching a double play, I love watching a towering fly, I love watching a fielder track a pop-up.

I do not, however, love watching Carlos Silva pitch.

I don't even like watching the Twins score six runs against Carlos Silva.

Let me to explain. Perhaps it's that fact that Carlos Silva was statistically the worst starting pitcher in all of Major League Baseball 2006.

He gave up 38 homeruns that year, and pitched in 36 games. That is not a good ratio. Want more? How does this grab ya: 180.1 innings pitched, 246 hits? By the by, that was on a team that won 94 games. Speaks volumes as to how good that team was, with Carlos "I Don't Deserve a Nickname" Silva pitching every fifth day.

But, even more than all that, I can't stand Carlos Silva because he did that, then got a huge contract from the Mariners. He is, without a doubt, the most expensive batting tee in the world.

I should be vengeful and frothing at the mouth whenever the Twins face off against him, but, instead, I'm deflated. I can't get excited about the team's bats coming alive, because, well, they came alive against Carlos Silva.

Carlos Silva performed so badly, he made Kevin Slowey pitch poorly. That's probably not true, but it's probably true. All in all, it was game that featured much shouting at the television screen, begging to see some good pitching.

But, we did get to see Joe Nathan's 200th save for the Twins. And games like tonight's game are perfect reminders why it's nice to have a guy like Joe Nathan. After a crazy, sloppy, slappy, crappy night of baseball, put in the fearless closer and shut that shit down.

Three up. Three down. Let's move on and play again tomorrow afternoon.

Game Heroes
Justin Morneau, MIN, 2-for-3, HR (1), 2 R, 3 RBI, 1 BB
Jason Kubel, MIN, 2-for-4, RBI
Joe Nathan, MIN, 1 IP, S (200th in his Twins career), K

Game Goats
Carlos Silva, SEA, L, 5 IP, 8 H, 6 ER, 1 BB, 2 K, 2 HR
Kevin Slowey, MIN, W, 6 IP, 9 H, 5 ER, 5 K, 2 HR

AL Central Standings after the game

Minnesota	2-1
Chicago	1-1
Kansas City	1-1
Detroit	1-2
Cleveland	0-1

4-7-09 Twins 6, Seattle 5

2009-04-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

A Rime

With the Twins five starters, Blackburn's not the worst,
but the Mariners--yes, ancient--score a run in the first.

Span beats out a chopper, shows his speed down the lines,
but Cuddyer's on pace to strike out four hundred times.

And with the season still fresh, dust off last year's best bitch:
Hey. Look. Delmon swung at the first fucking pitch.

More Seattle runs bleed across, the game seems lost,
until Punto reminds us why he's loved by the boss:

Mariners at the corners. A roller to his left,
Punto ranges over, snags it, and fires across his chest.

The double play stops 'em cold. The crowd--
oh yeah, we have fans--roars, the Dome's loud,

and Gomez smokes a lightning triple off the fence.
Punto gets hit. Denard singles, now baseball's intense.

One run across and two men on base,
and Our Man Cuddyer hits a single to some wonderfully vacant, wide open space.

4-3, the Mariners, as the game nears its close.
A game for the bullpen, I suppose;

fans begging, from behind closed eyes,
for no late-inning bullpen surprise.

Maybe I'm not patient. Maybe it's my greed,
but this poet's forgotten how to cheer with the lead.

The Mariners, meanwhile, tack on another.
Down two in the ninth, two outs, the Twins barely bother.

But wait. What's this? Gomez takes a walk?
Kubel's off the bench. Do we dare give it a thought?

Brandon Morrow walks the bases loaded.
(Seattle's new closer might get demoted.)

Down two. Two out. Bases full. Span's up.
And he squeezes across a run with an infield chop.

Casilla won't wait. A great, beautiful hit--
and the Twins win the game! Holy shit!

Game Heroes
Alexi Casilla, MIN, 1-for-5, 2 RBI
Franklin Gutierrez, SEA, 2-for-5, RBI
Endy Chavez, SEA, 3-for-5, 2 R, 2 RBI
Denard Span, MIN, 3-for-5, R, 2 RBI

Game Goats
Brandon Morrow, SEA, L, BS, .2 IP, 3 BB, K

AL Central Standings at end of game

Chicago	1-0
Minnesota	1-1
Cleveland	0-1
Kansas City	0-1
Detroit	0-2

4-6-09 Seattle 6, Minnesota 1

2009-04-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

The Twins kicked off the final campaign in the Metrodome with a silly hip-hop soundtrack, enough pomp and circumstance to fill two hundred parades, and got a good old-fashioned stomping.

The Twins only threatened Felix Hernandez twice, in the first and in the fifth. Both innings brought Justin Morneau to the plate with runners in scoring position. Both innings saw Morneau fail to advance any runners; instead, the slugger sent grounders to the right side of the infield. Michael Cuddyer, eager to return after an injury-riddled past season, was also disappointing with scoring chances. Though he did drive in the Twins lone run, Cuddyer struck out in the first with runners on first and second, watched strike three in the third with a runner on second, and struck out in the eighth (looking again).

By game's end, the Twins left 7 runners on the bases, and went 2-for-10 with runners in scoring position.

All night long, King Felix kept the Twins befuddled. In 97 pitches, he pitched 8 innings, scattered 5 hits, walked 3 and struck out 5. The 22-year-old reminded everyone watching that he's an ace.

Seattle scored early in the game and kept the pressure on Twins' starter Francisco Liriano all night. Leading off the second inning, Adrian Beltre worked a full count, fouling off two 2-strike pitches in the process. After Liriano cut through the first three batters in only 13 pitches, Beltre's battle was the first to test the Twins' starter. That Beltre won the battle by doubling off the right-field baggy only added to the at-bat's importance.

Beltre was later plated by Jose Lopez, Seattle's star-in-the-making. Lopez had the complete opposite game of Morneau or Cuddyer. Lopez sent a fly deep enough in the second to score Beltre, and sent a rolling grounder through the infield with runners on second and third in the ninth. Seattle's secondbaseman finished the night with three RBIs.

One loss isn't terrible. And getting shut down by an amazing young pitcher isn't the worst thing in the world. But, at least for one night, this offense did seem to be short one player.

Game Heroes:
Felix Hernandez -- 8 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K
Adrian Beltre -- 1-for-4, R, 2B
Jose Lopez -- 1-for-3, 3 RBIs

Game Goats:
Justin Morneau 0-for-4, K
Michael Cuddyer 1-for-4, RBI, 3 K

AL Central Standings at the end of the game:

Chicago	0-0
Kansas City	0-0
Minnesota	0-0
Cleveland	0-0
Detroit	0-0

Predictions, with Computers!

2009-04-06T10:33:00.001-07:00

Much wild and rampant speculation spreads around Baseball in April. Talk-radio callers list a serious of ifs, which, if satisfied, mean, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Twins will win it all. Usually, these ifs are really self-fulfilling, and more than a little ridiculous:

IF the Twins have four 15-game winners;
IF Mauer and Morneau can play 225 games between them;
IF Punto stops sliding headfirst;
IF Cuddyer returns to his 2006 form, (as if by magic);
IF Gomez, Casilla, Young, Span, etc. etc. improve on last year's numbers;
IF Crede plays more than 100 games;
Then, well, of course the Twins would get to the playoffs.

Here's a prediction: If the Twins have 25 players that have career years, they'll make the playoffs.

But, it is April. In order to evaluate the Twins performance this year, we need some sort of benchmark, and some sort of examined goal. Now, I'm not going to dig too far into numbers on this blog, but I want to use the numbers to back up my claims. So, let's turn to some number-crunching to start.

I ran an equal number of season simulations from Chone, Marcel and MLB, respectively. I figure this is as dispassionate a system to establish a starting point for evaluating the Twins. (I didn't worry about playoff results in the season simulators. We really shouldn't worry about what might happen if any team might make the playoffs.)

In the AL, the Twins figure to be the 7th most-likely team to make the playoffs, and they are the 2nd most-likely team in their division, behind Cleveland. In all of MLB, the Twins are the 13th most-likely team to make the playoffs. Here are the AL Central division standings, based on likelihood of making the playoffs:

AL Central Teams	% Division Title	% Wild Card
Cleveland	50.00%	6.67%
Minnesota	16.67%	6.67%
Chicago	13.33%	3.33%
Detroit	10.00%	3.33%
Kansas City	10.00%	0.00%

Now, we can't spend too much time worrying about the wildcard percentages, as 70% of the time, an AL East team takes it. (It ain't the Orioles.) However, we should take a second look at the discrepancy between Cleveland and the Twins. With almost every televised expert calling the AL Central the most competitive division in baseball, the sims say the only competitive race will be for a non-playoff second.

This sounds like a recipe for .500, and, what's more, a tough .500 to watch in mid-September.

But, really, we should not complain about a team this young playing .500 baseball. This team was built to make the playoffs next year, in the new ballpark. This year isn't quite re-building, but it is a building year, metaphorically and literally.

You do need to build off of success. I don't think the Twins can afford too much regression from last year's record. Anything less than ten games off that pace, which would be a 78-84 team, would be a failure. But I also don't think they could win more games than last year's 88.

Considering the Gardenhire era, this fits right into the norm. Here are the Twins win totals dating back to 2002:

Year	Wins
2002	94
2003	90
2004	92
2005	83
2006	96
2007	79
2008	88
Average =	88.86

It's not unreasonable to think the Twins will fall back to the 2007 record. It is unreasonable to think they'll recapture the Central dominance they enjoyed in the early part of the decade.

All of this, then, means that I'm looking for somewhere between a 79- and 85-win team.

Again, that's a .500 team, and probably a .500 team that doesn't make the playoffs. This year, fans, remember that next year is the Year of Judgment.

Mission Statement

2009-04-05T14:22:00.000-07:00

I will post on this blog after every Minnesota Twins game, once the radio guys sign off.

I follow baseball intensely and have a background in sports journalism. Though I do not currently live near enough to Minneapolis for my responses to come from in-person interviews or behind-the-scenes analysis, I believe that my perspective will be all the more objective for that fact.

Aside from the usual statistical analysis, I will zoom in on five plays that decided the game. As you all know, in baseball those five plays aren't necessarily hits or outs. Sometimes they are managerial decisions. Sometimes they are as simple as keeping a ground runner close to first base. Sometimes they are as obvious as launching a ball off the baggy.

These postings will include links to other baseball bloggers, analysts, and sites. I want my readers, and myself, to consider this blog as only a small part of what's available to us.

Finally, you should know that I am, first and foremost, a Minnesota Twins fan. Sure, I'll be objective. But I'm cheering for the Twins more than anything else.